Between the Ties that Bind
by Ray of Starlight
Summary: A series of one-shots for the characters of "The Ties that Bind." Second, Sideswipe and Glen. Sideswipe is determined to get Glen to lose weight.
1. How I Met Your Medic

Disclaimer: I don't own _Transformers_.

A/N: _The one-shots have been long awaited, I know. I've been working on most of them a lot lately, but this is the only one that currently doesn't give away for **The Ties that Bind** or the sequel **Of Sparks and Hearts**. Obviously, it's about Ratchet and Jason. Well, kids, this is how they met. Please enjoy! Happy April Fools Day!_

* * *

How I Met Your Medic  
_A Ratchet and Jason Story  
_Companion Story to _"The Ties that Bind"_

Everything was exploding around him. He really couldn't believe what he was actually seeing. Giant robots were destroying the city and he was right in the middle of it. Tearing the sleeve of his once nice button down dress shirt, he tied it as tightly as he possibly could around the little boy's leg without hurting him anymore than he already was. His mother was suppressing her evident tears trying to soothe the body as he whined in pain, trying to stay strong for him. Jason lifted his head, trying to estimate the distance between him and the tank that was rolling down the street, crushing cars in its path. He was running out of time and he needed to get this kid out of the way.

"Follow me!" he ordered the woman over the noise.

Picking up the boy, Jason started running, much like the rest of the public, getting as far away as possible. The boy clung to him in fear, he couldn't have been older then five, his mother following. Jason managed to cast a glance at the soldiers that were shooting at the tank, but what really go his attention were the Pontiac Solstice and the huge GMC Topkick racing towards the tank. Looking over his shoulder, the Solstice transformed, jumping on the tank as it too transformed.

"C'mon Decepticon punk!" he challenged as he kicked off a missile launcher from the large robot's shoulder.

Jason needed to look where he was going and then saw the stunned elderly woman sitting in the street, bleeding from her head. Jason stopped and handed the boy to his mother. "You need to get out of here!" he shouted, "Get somewhere safe! Head for Mission City Grace!"

"Thank you!" she sobbed profusely, "Thank you so much!"

"Alright, go!" he said quickly.

As the woman took of with her child, Jason made a dead run for the elderly woman in the street, dodging the debris from a stray shot from the tank. Rolling on the ground his scraped his hands and bare arm deeply enough to draw blood, but not enough to be a cause of concern. Dropping to his knees in front of the lady, he grabbed her shoulders to keep her from falling over.

"Ma'am?" he asked the dazed woman, "Ma'am, can you hear me?" He touched her face gently, getting her to look at him, but her expression was strangely one of recognition then fear.

"I think I hit my head, Harold," she stuttered, "I think I'm bleeding."

"Ma'am," he said, "My name's Jason Harris. I'm a doctor. I need to get you out of here. Are you alone?"

The woman frowned, but her glazed eyes seemed to refocus. "Where's my Harold?" she asked, "Where'd he go?"

Jason looked around for an elderly man, but saw none, until his eyes fell upon a practically demolished car with someone still sitting in it. Jason tried to calm the woman enough to leave her to investigate, but that was easier said then done. She wouldn't let go of his hands, but eventually he told he was going to look for Harold and that he'd be right back. Leaving the woman, he ran against the crowd towards the car, covering his head as more debris flew into the air. The tank-robot was getting way too close for comfort.

He eventually made it to the car and threw the door open. The old man inside was unconscious, but Jason couldn't see any bleeding, at least on the outside. Trying to wake him didn't work so Jason was forced to pull the man out from under his arms. The man moaned and shook his head, starting to come to, but Jason didn't wait for him to regain consciousness before he was pulling the man along, his feet dragging. The woman was very happy to see her husband and vice versa. Jason told them go seeing that the wound on the woman's head was merely superficial and would more than likely not require stitches.

When he got back to Tranquility he was going to kill his boss for sending him to Mission City for an "enlightening" conference. Enlightening his ass! They talked about new drugs that did the same things as the medication they already had, just with different, harder to pronounce names. It was a big waste of time and now here he was, running up and down the street, risking his life to save strangers while giant robots ran amuck through the city. But as a doctor he really couldn't see himself turning his back and running with the rest of them. Someone had to stay back and help, why not him?

An explosion knocked him off his feet. Everything was suddenly muffled. As he opened his eyes, the sun was suddenly too bright. As his hearing cleared, the muffled shots and shouting sped up and everything seemed to start moving again. Jason struggled to get to his feet, still a little disorientated, but stable enough to steady himself as notice that he was bleeding from a cut just about his eyebrow. Cursing to himself, he didn't even notice the debris falling towards him until a shadowed loomed overhead. Before he could react, a massive form knelt over him, taking the blunt force of the debris that would've crushed him. It was one of the good robots, from what he could tell. It pushed up and let the wreckage slip off its back.

Jason stepped back as the robot assumed its full height. It was yellow with red and blue lights. It was the Search & Rescue H2. "Uh, thanks."

"You should not be in the open," the robot boomed. Jason's mouth dropped to speak, but he didn't get the chance. "It is too dangerous for you, human," it said, "Leave."

It was either bravery or stupidity, but Jason found himself glaring at the mech and, considering his next words, it was probably stupidity since it wouldn't take much for it to lift its foot and crush him, "I don't think so, metal head. See you later."

The mech didn't show any hostility towards him, but he really didn't wait around to see before he was running towards more of the city's citizens that needed help. Jason wouldn't witness the rest of the battle directly, but in the end it seemed that the good guys were victorious. He ended up helping some military guys as well and two teenagers, a boy and a girl. The boy, Sam, he would eventually learn, that had come along with the robots and scared the bolts out of them when he proceeded to have a severe asthma attack. The second yellow robot that had lost its legs was panicking while Jason was trying to get Sam to calm down to put him on oxygen.

"Calm down, kid," he reassured, "Take deep breaths, okay?" he made Sam look at him and demonstrated until the boy caught on.

The girl, whom Jason assumed to be Sam's girlfriend sat beside him and rubbed Sam's shoulder as the boy slowly started to gain a little more control over his breathing. No doubt he'd have to get some sort of asthmatic injection to reopen his airways. Being on oxygen, however, should tie him over till they could get to the hospital.

"Is he going to be alright?"

Jason looked up at the largest robot out of all them, painted blue with red flaming, battle worn and tired. In any other situation, Jason probably would've freaked out, but in this case he smiled and nodded. "He's going to be fine. I just have to get him a dose of an anti-inflammatory to open his bronchioles. Just a little shot is all."

Sam protested loudly in the background.

Jason merely laughed and shrugged helpless at the kid. "He'll be fine."

The robot nodded. Sending another concerned look at Sam, he turned towards his comrades. "I believe it would be best if we were to leave."

Captain Will Lennox immediately agreed. "Yeah. You guys beat it and we'll take care of the rest. Hey, girl!" he called over the dark haired teen by Sam, "Why don't you get in the tow-truck and head on out."

She looked ready to protest, but Sam merely patted her hand and nodded. She sighed and agreed. Sam turned about thirteen shades of red when she kissed him on the cheek and ran over to the tow-truck where Bumblebee was fastened securely. The remains of their comrade, Jazz, were placed gently in the truck bed of the one called Ironhide. The remaining two transformed and followed him out with the girl bringing up the rear.

Jason, however, noticed that the medic, the one who saved him earlier in the fight, had been watching him closely with glowing eyes since the battle had ended. Sighing, he pushed it out of his mind and focused on getting Sam to a hospital and helping the army guys treat any remaining people that could be trapped or injured in demolished buildings. As he got in an EMS truck with Sam, he really wondered how the government was going to explain giant robots waging war in a South Nevada City.

* * *

It was two weeks later when he thought that they adventure was over. It wasn't hard to keep him quiet. He went along with the "terrorist attack' story when he was asked to. He went back to work like it was no big deal, telling the Chief that there was no way in Hell he was going to go to anymore conferences. His boss laughed and said he understood and that he was glad that one of his best doctors was all right. It was a normal day. Jason ended up working longer than he would've liked, but it was not something that really bothered him too much. He did some extra rounds, visiting some of the kids in the cancer ward, played a few board games and such. Could you imagine his surprise when a H2 Search & Rescue vehicle was parked outside the main exit?

Jason spotted mid-step, stumbling a little in result, as he stared at the truck. It looked relatively normal minus the robot-face insignias on its doors. Oh, he was very much aware of who _and_ what he was staring at, and who _or_ what seemed to be staring right back at him. He wondered how it even found him. Jason shifted uncomfortably, like someone would do if they were being stared at.

"Uh, can I help you?"

The engine merely revved.

Jason frowned in confusion. Looking around, he saw that no one was around. Gesturing slightly, Jason indicated for the Hummer to follow him and it did, all the way behind the building. Jason turned, mouth open to say something, but the vehicle was already transforming into a form Jason was already familiar with. It didn't matter that this wasn't new to him. Jason still took a cautious step backwards. What did it want? Was it here to kill him, because he knew the secret?

"Dr. Jason Harris," the robot said.

"…Um…Hi, uh, what's your name again?"

"Ratchet."

"Well, hello again, Ratchet," he said nervously, "What can I do for you?"

"I want you to be my human contact."

"…Wait…what?"

"Just as I said," the mech repeated, "My comrades and I have need of human partners, who will help us to adjust to the ways of life on this planet. Our cultural specialist, so to speak, was unfortunately killed in the battle in Mission City and your World Wide Web can only provide so much information, some of which is…not entirely _adequate_."

"…Huh?"

Ratchet sighed, "You want me to explain it again?"

"No, it's okay," Jason said. He held his hands up in a seemingly meager defense as his human brain tried to comprehend what had just been asked of him. "I…I-I get it. You're just a little, uh, forward about it." The medic seemed unfazed by the statement waiting for Jason's answer. "So, uh, what does it mean, exactly?"

"You will be in close personal contact with me and the fellow Autobots. From you, we will learn human culture, behaviors, and such from life experience rather then on speculation and the Internet. In return, we offer protection and a chance at, as Sam put it, 'a kick-ass life experience'."

Jason stared up at the mech and released a short laugh. "You gotta be kidding me?"

"I assure you that I do not 'kid' .Do not be hasty in making this decision. You will be given time to consider it."

"But why me?" Jason asked, "Why not a military guy or something? I'm just a doctor."

Ratchet crossed his arms, sending Jason a look of admiration and understanding. "And I am a medic. You displayed exceptional bravery in Mission City, staying in the battle to help the citizens when it you didn't have to. It's an admirable quality. Optimus Prime, our leader, as also decided that it would be best to chose from humans that already know of our existence."

"And you just picked me out of a hat?" Jason scoffed.

"You and I have more in common that you would think."

"How do you know? You hardly know me."

"I believe I know enough to believe that you would be right for the task."

Jason ran a hand through his hair and started pacing. This was unreal. He really couldn't believe it, but at the same time, he felt okay with the idea. Maybe because the shock of the question didn't really hit him yet, but he could see hanging out with a few alien robots could be an awesome learning experience as well as something interesting that he had that no one else did. That was a little selfish, he knew that, but he dedicated his life to the hospital and in result hardly had a social life of his own. Nothing to look forward to at him, but an old house he lived in with his parents before they passed away and he moved back in for their memory's sake. Jason looked up at the robot, his face full of skepticism, but an underlying curiosity.

"Let me think about it, okay?" he asked, "I just need a little time."

"Understandable."

"So," he asked, "where have you and the others been staying?"

"Bumblebee has remained with Sam Witwicky and Ironhide has been invited to stay with Captain William Lennox and his family. Optimus," he sighed, "has not been around lately."

"Oh," Jason said, "Well, I was just gonna take a cab home. If you have nowhere to stay right now you can just stay in the garage. I'll pull out my car so you can fit."

Ratchet stared at him again, something the mech was keen in doing constantly, and nodded. "That would be greatly appreciated."

"Okay, well, just let me call the cab and—"

"That will not be necessary."

And Ratchet transformed again, back into a Hummer. When the transformation was complete the driver's side door popped open. Jason took the silent invitation and climbed in hesitantly. As soon as he buckled his seatbelt, Ratchet did a U-turn and headed out the way they came onto the busy street. Jason was nervous. Who wouldn't be? The truck was not an ordinary truck since it was very much alive. He was a good driver through, probably the first Hummer ever to actually go the speed limit and not run smaller cars off the road.

"Where do you live?"

"Uh, 19264 Hemlock Drive."

"Thank you."

"You need directions?"

"No, I used Map Quest."

Jason nodded. "Oh. Right. That's gotta be handy."

"You heart rate is exceedingly fast. Are you alright?"

"I'm good."

"Are you afraid?"

"No, not really. Just a little nervous. Usually when I sit in this seat I'm driving it, not watching it drive itself."

"I see. I assure you that I am following all the speed regulation laws and defensive driver protocols. I, unlike Bumblebee and Ironhide, know how to show a little patience and driving courtesy."

Jason laughed a little. "I'm sure you are. Thanks for not doing doughnuts in the parking lot or anything."

"You're welcome."

Jason shook his head. This guy took everything a little too literally. Soon enough, they were at his house. Jason told him to wait in the street and he'd move his car so Ratchet could back in. After playing musical cars Jason headed into the garage. "Sorry it's a little small. It was built before the time of the SUV."

"It's quite alright. Weather forecasts indicate that there's a 40 chance of rain. I appreciate the shelter."

"No problem, big guy," Jason said, "Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"You have to return to the hospital tomorrow?"

"Yep."

"I will take you."

Jason looked a little surprised but nodded. "Okay. Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome. Rest well."

"You too."

Jason headed into the house, taking one last glance back at the Hummer sitting in the garage. He left the door open, because he wasn't sure if Ratchet would appreciate being shut in like that. He dropped his coat and bag at the doorway. He just wanted to go to bed after a long day of a shift and a half. He managed to undress down to his underwear, before he threw on a T-shirt, flopped into bed and passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

The next day when, Jason woke up for work, he had completely forgotten what had transpired last night, despite the fact that the incident was very unforgettable. He took a long shower, his aching muscles soothed under the hot water. He would've liked to stand under it for hours, but it was time to head out. Getting dressed quickly, he wore a simple pair of jeans and a nice button down dress shirt. Grabbing a bagel, from the cupboard he ate it quickly. He left the house locking the door behind him, but frowned when he saw his car sitting out on the driveway, rainwater still running down its hood. What was his car doing outside? He looked at his garage and saw the Search & Rescue H2 and everything came hurtling back into his memory.

"Oh, yeah…" he murmured.

The Hummer actually chuckled a little. "You looked confused."

Jason plastered a smile in good fun. "Well, I kinda forgot about you for a moment there."

"Ready to go?"

Jason nodded. Playing another round of musical cars Jason was once again sitting in the driver seat. The two went back and forth about treating their own kind in medical emergencies. Jason thought Ratchet could've just looked up how to do open-heart surgery or any other procedures on the Internet, but the mech was asking questions and listening intently. Jason got in a few questions of his own about Ratchet's species, comparing and contrasting between humans and Cybertronians. Jason actually felt a little bummed when they arrived at the hospital and he had to head in.

Jason climbed out and turned to face him. "So, will you…?"

"I'll be here when you get out."

"Alright. See you later."

The engine revved and Jason headed into the hospital. He was immediately greeted by the security guard, Dave. "Hey, Doc! When did you start driving one of those?" he pointed to Ratchet.

Jason thought of an answer quickly. "The joys of a doctor's salary."

Dave laughed and patted Jason on the shoulder. Jason walked towards the locker room and quickly got changed into his scrubs and lab coat and went about his rounds. It was a pretty easy day. There was one car accident victim who, according to eye-witness accounts was on the receiving end of some other driver's road-rage. The man was merely on his way to work when a speeding SUV clipped his back end sending him into a series of rolls. The man's right shoulder tendons were torn which meant surgery and physical therapy in the end. He also suffered a mild concussion, but he would live. Police were currently in pursuit of the other driver that fled the scene.

"So, who was that that took you home the other night?"

Jason turned to see a nurse named Jenny, whom he worked with many times before. She was older than him by a few years. She was a kind woman, always doing her job with practiced expertise. She was often asked by many of the other doctors to help them out in certain situations. Hell, Jason was sure that if she could've afforded the schooling, she would've been a full-blown doctor, but with two daughters under the age of five and a husband who was in and out of work due to layoffs, she went to community college and worked her ass off to become an RN, or registered nurse. He had met both of her daughters, Victoria and Julia. Tori was the eldest and very smart for her age and loved to be read to her, while Julia was very creative with finger-paintings and telling stories she made up on the spot.

Both girls knew Jason well enough for feel safe with him and got very excited when they saw him. The rest of the staff met the two girls at one of the dinner the staff had put together. Jenny wasn't going to come since her husband had work and she couldn't get a babysitter, but she was convinced to come and bring the kids. The girls were passed along to everyone in the staff and were a huge hit. Jenny worked hard for her family, trying her best to support them as much as she could and she was someone Jason actually admired.

"Well?" Jenny repeated, "Who took you home?"

Jason shifted. "A friend."

"In an emergency vehicle?" Jenny asked skeptically.

"It's his truck," the doctor shrugged.

Jenny laughed a little. "Whatever you say. When are you getting off?"

"Well," Jason said heavily looking down at his watch, "Pretty soon, but only if Dan doesn't leave."

"You need a vacation," the nurse stated, "I'll make sure Dan doesn't leave. He's been slacking anyways."

"What about you?" Jason countered, "Tori and Julie are probably missing you at home."

Jenny's face fell as she sighed. "Ned told me Julia fell asleep by the door last night waiting for me. I got a vacation planned for next week, just me and the girls."

"Oh? Where you going?"

"Just to visit some relatives out east. Weather's nice over there right now."

"Well, I hope you have fun."

"Ha!" Jenny exclaimed, "We better considering what I paying for airfare. I'll see you around. Go home."

"I'll try."

Jenny punched him in the arm.

"Alright! I'll go! Geez!"

Jenny smiled. "See you tomorrow."

True to her word, Jenny wasn't afraid to tell Dan, another doctor, that he had been slacking in the work hours and he stayed a little over his shift giving Jason the chance to leave, which he did. Changing into his regular clothes, he left at a decent hour considering how long he usually ended up working. Ratchet was waiting in the parking lot, right where Jason left him.

"Were you here all day?" Jason asked.

"Yes," came the reply.

"Why didn't you leave? Drive around or something! You didn't have to _stay_."

If the mech was in his true form he probably would've shrugged. "I had nothing to do."

Jason still felt a little guilty. "Well, don't just sit around all day. Drive around, find a secluded spot and stretch your legs, I don't know."

"I do not mind waiting."

"Thanks."

"Are you finished for the day?"

"Yeah. Got off on time for once."

"Would you like to go home?"

"No, not yet. Is there somewhere you want to go?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh, well, let's just drive around then. I'm not used to getting of early," he laughed, "I don't know what to do with myself."

The door popped open wordlessly and Jason climbed in. It was only the third time he had driven with the mech, but it was already getting a little easier to handle now. Jason was quiet, merely looking out the window as Ratchet drove. Before he knew it, they Ratchet had taken him to a very expensive looking side of town with large suburban houses.

"Where are we?"

"I decided to take you to see someone."

"Really? Who?"

Ratchet pulled up on a drive and behind a hot looking Chevy Camaro. Jason frowned when he recognized the car as the Autobot called Bumblebee. "This is Sam Witwicky's house, isn't it?"

"What are you doing here Ratchet?" a voice asked through the radio.

"You should still not be talking Bumblebee," Ratchet immediately responded, "Your vocal processor is still damaged."

"_Just wanted to say I'm sorry!"_

"Can you call Sam?"

"_Mum's the word."_

Sure enough, after a few minutes, the boy rounded the corner of his house. He looked around cautiously before he voiced his curiosity. "What's going on, Ratchet?"

"Sam," the medic began, "there is someone I would like you to meet."

Jason took this as the cue to get out and when he did Sam immediately recognized him. "Hey! It's you!"

"Hello again, Sam," Jason said sincerely.

"What are you doing here?"

Jason shrugged, "Well, I'm thinking that Ratchet wants you to influence my decision in becoming his partner."

Ratchet revved irritably while Sam laughed. "So do you wanna come in?"

Jason nodded, "Sure."

When the two humans vanished into the house Bumblebee started chuckling. "You just sprung it on him, didn't you?"

Ratchet actually chuckled a little. "No point in dragging it out."

* * *

When Sam offered Jason something to drink he just took some water. Sitting at the kitchen table, it was obvious that Jason wanted to hear all the pros and cons of getting into this gig with giant, robotic aliens, though Sam was more than likely going to be a little biased since he was a teenage boy, without a job, and just saved the whole world, but Jason was wrong. He was completely surprised about Sam's attitude over the situation. Maybe Jason underestimated him. Sam did save the world, Sam did get the girl, and Sam did have the hottest car ever, but Sam had also nearly been killed because of his new friends and the war they had brought to this planet.

"It's something you should really think about," Sam said, "It's a full time job since you'll be associated with the Autobots and the military and everything. You know, I've only had Bee around for a few weeks and I can't really picture what my life would be like without him, other than boring. I'd say go for it, but you're a doctor and that's a busy job right?"

"It owns my soul, yeah."

"Then it's your decision. Ratchet's a cool guy, a little…well…"

"Blunt."

"Yeah! Man, when me and Mikaela first met them, holy shit, what comes out of that guy's mouth can be incriminating."

Jason's attention perked. "What did he say?"

Sam slouched in his seat. "I don't wanna talk about it."

Jason laughed aloud. "Okay, now I have to know." Sam looked at him in silence before sighed and muttering something under his breath. "What?" Jason asked, "I couldn't hear you." Sam repeated it, but still Jason was unable to hear. "Come again?"

"He could tell that I wanted to bang Mikaela!"

Jason stared at the teen in shock momentarily before laughing aloud again. "What? How could he tell?"

"He scanned my 'pheromone' levels or some junk," Sam said, beat red, "And he said it out loud. Mikaela could hardly look at me."

Jason continued to laugh at the boy's expense ever when he was on the receiving end of a piercing glare. "I hardly know the guy and I wouldn't put it past him."

"Yeah, yuck it up," Sam said sourly, "You wouldn't be laughing if he said it to you."

"Hey," Jason stated, "you got the girl, right?"

Sam actually smiled a little. "Yeah."

"Well, maybe Ratchet coming out and saying you wanted her was a good thing."

Sam shrugged. "Maybe, I dunno. So, are you gonna think about being Ratchet's contract?"

Jason's smile fell momentarily. He looked down his hands clasped together on the surface of the table. He nodded slowly. "I'm thinking about it."

"My opinion is a little biased," Sam said, "but it's a once in a lifetime experience and your really helping them out. What you did in Mission City from helping those people, helping Will's team, and helping me, Ratchet probably saw something in you that he liked. He wouldn't ask you if he didn't think you couldn't handle it. If Ratchet good at something, besides being a medic, he's really good at reading people. Plus, that's something you got in common. You're both doctors!"

"I guess," Jason admitted, "We'll just have to see."

Sam agreed. They talked more about Sam's experience with the Autobots and how he was pulled into the war concerning his great grandfather's glasses and the All Spark and such. The boy was very well educated in what their war was all about and how it managed to get to Earth. Jason didn't know Sam very well, but he knew that the events had forced the boy to grow up very quickly and shaped him into a more mature individual though he still had the teenage tendencies. Jason left when Sam announced he was going to pick up Mikaela. Jason got in a little more teasing before he let the kid off the hook. Walking past Bumblebee, Jason said goodbye to the mech and received the same courtesy through song.

Jason wordlessly climbed into the driver's seat when Ratchet's door opened. Buckling up as the engine came to life, they backed out first followed by Sam and Bumblebee, who went in the opposite direction, younger mech beeping a few times in farewell, which Ratchet returned with a siren wail. Jason grinned a little to himself, not really sure why, but the thought of doing this everyday seemed exciting, just hanging out with Ratchet, getting him acquainted with humans, and vice versa. It just seemed like something worthwhile.

They eventually arrived back at Jason's house, which was on the other side of town. But when Ratchet pulled up on the driveway Jason didn't get out right away, silently lost in thought. Ratchet didn't interrupt. Jason wasn't really surprised in what he was considering, even though it would change everything. He would be apart of something much bigger than himself, bigger then what a lot of people experience, like living in his very own sci-fi world. Could he handle it, though? He could handle a lot of things, he knew that, but this was off the Richter scale in weirdness. Yes, it was weird. He'd have an alien car. He'd be getting an alien used to life on Earth. It was beyond weird, but while he knew this, at the same time, he really didn't think it was all that strange, interesting, but not exactly weird. He supposed that it still hadn't hit him, but if it hadn't already when would it? Or will it at all?

"Dr. Harris?"

"Jason," the human corrected, "If we're gonna do this partner thing, we're on a first name basis, alright?"

There was a smile in Ratchet's voice. "Alright, Jason."

"So, do I get to meet the rest of the Autobots?"

"Yes. More than likely when Optimus returns."

"Alright then," Jason nodded, "I'm looking forward to it. So, where do we start?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what do you want to know about humans first?"

Ratchet was silent for moment, probably thinking of a question, until he asked the first one, "Why do some humans feel a heightened sense of arousal when they engage in practices of being physically restrained for sexual gratification?

Jason's eyes practically bulged from his head. "...Ratchet, I don't think we're at the point in our relationship to be discussing something like that. Why don't do you ask me why the sky is blue or why the grass is green. Just don't ask me something like that."

"But I know why the sky is blue and the grass is green. It, also, doesn't directly have anything to do with humans so it would be straying from the basic topic."

"I know that!" Jason exclaimed, "But that still doesn't mean I wanna talk about _bondage_!"

This was going to be the beginning of a beautiful partnership…

* * *

_I hope you liked it. I'd just like to give credit to my sister for helping figure out what question I was gonna make Ratchet ask. I'd also like to point out that Jenny is based off my Mom so guess who Victoria and Julia represent. More one-shots are on the way. Thanks for reading!_

Please Review!


	2. Sideswipe's Kitchen

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers.

**A/N:** Short, little one-shot about Glen and Sides. I had a lot of fun with it, even though it's so short. I don't expect a lot of hype from this one, but as I said in the Ratchet and Jason one-shot, I can't post some of them because they reveal too much about **_Of Sparks and Hearts_**. Anyways, I hope you still like it.

* * *

Sideswipe's Kitchen  
_A Sideswipe and Glen Story_  
Companion Story to _"The Ties that Bind"_

The concoction before him was disgusting, yet so many people enjoyed it. It was mostly green with a little red and orange thrown in. They were such happy, bright colors. Now, they represented misery. This had to be considered cruel, unusual punishment. Did it have to be so big? Did it have to be so leafy? Did he really have to eat the whole thing? Why, oh why, oh why did it have to be a salad?

He was clearly wearing a look of distain. The man across from him sighed heavily, running hand over his shaved head wearily. The other man didn't have any food, because frankly, he just couldn't eat it if he tried. His eyes were bright blue, not normal, almost robotic, and they were clearly frustrated.

"Is this going to be a usual thing?" he asked.

Glen glared at him. "Yes."

"Just eat it," the other replied.

Glen picked up his fork and stabbed at the meal. "Remind me never to let you help me with anything ever again."

"It was your idea to eat healthier."

"Yeah, well, it was a bad idea."

"And don't even think about caving." The man grinned diabolically. "Because while you might, I won't."

"You suck."  
"Love you too, man."

Glen groaned miserably as he shoved a tomato and lettuce into his mouth, cringing at the taste and texture. It wasn't the tomato. Tomatoes were excellent on burgers, but with nothing else but lettuce and fat free Italian dressing, it ruined it. His supposed _friend_ was grinning ear to ear at his misery as Glen suffered through his meal in discomfort and whining complaints.

When the plate was empty, minus a few remnants of shredded carrots and onions, Glen pushed the plate away and leaned back in his chair, holding his stomach like he was going to vomit. It wasn't that he didn't like salads. That was a misconception for over-weight people. It was merely that he was sick and tired of eating them every single day. He gagged every time he saw a head of lettuce now.

"Whoo!" the 'man' cheered, tossing his hands into the air. "We've got ourselves a new record! It took you twenty-three seconds _less_ to eat that salad then the one yesterday. I think you're starting to like them."

"Not really," Glen said, burping painfully. Dropped his head onto the table he spoke bitterly into the wood, "_Never_…asking…for _your_ help…_again_."

Sideswipe dropped his arms and merely laughed. "Eating healthy is a good thing though. You'll live longer and the chances of cardiac arrest, heart disease, and diabetes have decreased since we started."

"Yeah, well," Glen sighed, unable to find a good argument to refuter the mech's statement, "Ratchet's going to be thrilled."

"Don't do this for Ratchet," Sides said. "Do it for yourself."

"I know, I know," came the tired reply. "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

"You know," the other said teasingly, "it's probably a good thing that I'm not human."

"Why?"

"Because if I was, I would could eat your food and just to be a prick I would eat ice-cream or a huge fatty steak right now, just to spite you."

"…" Glen looked up slowly from the table. "That's cruel man. Very, very cruel."

Sides leaned back in his chair, hand clasped behind his head as he grinned. "Like I said," he said pleasantly, "good thing I'm not human."

"Yeah, well, there's another reason you should feel lucky you're not human."

"Really? What reason is that?"

"If you were human it would be a lot easier for me to whoop your ass."

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, the joys of dieting...

...

BOOOOO! *hisses* Just kidding! Well, not really. I like working out and running and stuff, but eating healthy all the time? I think not! I will take my bugers with cheese and a crap ton of other stuff and a gallon of ice-cream with whip cream and sprinkles thank you very much! Ooo! And hot fudge! Alright, now that I've made you all want ice-cream...Thanks for reading!

Please Review!


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